4 jokes that prove you should never mess with smart women

Four jokes to brighten up your day and to remind you that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. 

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Revenge # 4

A newlywed couple was excited about starting their life together and moved into their new home that day after they tied the knot. 

The house needed some work and the wife asked her husband: "Darling, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you please fix it?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, Bob the Builder?"

A few days later, the bride had car troubles on her way to work. That afternoon, she asked her husband: "Honey, my car isn’t starting, can you drive me to the grocery store?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, a taxi driver?"

A week later, the woman discovers a leak on the roof. Again, she asked her husband: "Darling, the roof is leaking, can you please find a reliable handyman to fix it for us?"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like to you, the yellow pages?"

One rainy day, the husband suddenly noticed that the leak had disappeared. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn’t leaking either.

When his returned home later that day, in a car that appeared to be fixed, the husband asked her, "My dear, how it is that there are no more leaks and the car is working?"

She replied, "Oh, I ran into one of our neighbors, Daniel. He’s such a nice guy, he came and fixed everything.”

"Wow," marveled the husband, "did he charge us for the repair work?"

"No," said the woman. "He said he would do it for free if I baked him a cake or slept with him."

"Oh good," the husband rejoiced. "What kind of cake did you bake him?"

The woman looked at the husband and said:

"What do I look like to you, Betty Crocker?”

Revenge # 3

A husband on his deathbed had a confession and reached out to his wife. In a weak voice, he said: "My hour has arrived and before I leave, I want to confess to you ..."

"No, no, you shouldn’t strain yourself, sit still," interrupted the woman.

He insisted on telling her the truth and continued: "It's better to die with a quiet, clean conscience."

"Well, I'm listening," said the woman.

"I had an affair with your sister, your mother, and your best friend," said the husband.

His wife calmly replied: "I know, that's why I poisoned you."

Revenge # 2

One evening, a man came home from work and found his home a complete mess. His three children had been in their pajamas all day and eating junk food, the entrance rug was spread over the table, the television in the living room blasted cartoons loudly, and all the furniture was covered in dirt.

The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes,  leftovers from breakfast and the previous night's dinner were scattered all over the counter and there were crumbs all over the floor. 

The man hurried up the stairs, trying not to trip over the piles of clothes and toys, worried that his wife might be sick or that something had happened to her.

When he entered the bedroom, breathless, he found her lying happily in bed still wearing her pajamas and reading a book.

Hearing his heavy breathing she looked at him, smiled, and asked how his day had been. The surprised man was completely confused and asked his wife, "What happened here today?"

She replied: "You know how every day when you come home you condescendingly ask me what the hell I did all day?”

"Yes," replied the man, astonished.

"Exactly," said his wife, "Today, I didn’t do any of it."

Revenge # 1

A man’s daughter turned 18 years old, and he was very glad that it was time to hand over the last alimony check he had to pay his ex-wife.

On her 18th birthday, he called his daughter and said to her: "My child, I want you to take this check to your mother and tell her that this is the last damn check she will receive from me for the rest of her miserable life. Tell her that. "

The girl went to give the check to her mother, and her father was very curious about how his wife would respond to his message. 

When the daughter returned that weekend to visit him, her father asked her right away: "What did your mother say?"

She replied: "Mom said she was also looking forward to this day because she wanted to tell you that you are not my father."

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