Five Grandma Jokes That Are so Bad They're Actually Good
These five jokes about grandmothers may sound awful, but they're actually great and will definitely crack you up.
Grandmas are entertaining and don't generally think about too much anymore, so their lives are all fun. Below, you'll read some of the funniest stories of grandmothers being themselves, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
A dying grandmother revealed to her grandkid, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash."
Completely amazed and about to end up rich, the grandchild responded, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her final breath, the grandma muttered, "Facebook..."
A grandmother went to a bank aiming to withdraw some cash. She gave her bank card to a bank teller and stated, “I would like to withdraw $500.”
“For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM," the female teller advised her.
“Why?” the grandmother inquired.
“These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you," the teller irritably responded, before returning the card to the old woman.
The grandmother stayed quiet for some time. Then she decided to return the card to the teller and told her, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
After checking the old lady's account, the teller was shocked. She nodded her head, leaned down, and told the grandma, “My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account, and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?"
The grandma asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”
“Any amount up to $300,000," the teller replied.
The grandma then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account. The teller did so rapidly and gave it to the old lady politely. The grandma kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.
THE FAMILY TRADITION
Paddy had long heard the stories of a wonderful family tradition. It appears that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their eighteenth birthday celebration.
On that particular day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy's eighteenth birthday came around, he and his friend Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake.
Paddy stepped out of the boat and almost drowned. Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Angry and confounded, Paddy went to see his grandma.
"Grandma," he asked, "It's my eighteenth birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked profoundly into Paddy's troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August.”
THE RED LIGHTS
One day, the two senior women were out for a drive in a car. Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard. They kept on traveling through an intersection even though the light was red.
"I feel like I'm losing it, but I swear we just drove through a red light," the passenger thought to herself.
They then drove through another red light a few minutes later. Though the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, she was still slightly concerned that she might be going mad. She decided to give the driver one last chance.
The passenger paid a great deal of attention as they were approaching the next intersection. She knew for certain that the light was red this time, but they sped past just as before.
The passenger yelled: "Susan! Do you know we just ran three red lights in a row? We could have been killed!"
"Oh, am I driving?" the driver replied.
Two grandmothers Edith and Marie were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it began to rain. Edith pulled out a condom, remove the end, put it over her cigarette, and kept smoking.
"What's that?" asked Marie.
"A condom," Edith replied. "This way, my cigarette doesn't get wet."
"Where did you get it?
"You can get them at any drugstore."
The following day, Marie hobbled herself into the local drugstore and told the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of surprisingly, yet respectfully asks what brand she likes.
"It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel," Marie replied, and the pharmacist fainted.
Want to laugh some more? Check out this story of a wife who taught her lazy husband a lesson for refusing to help her.