Becoming an Empty Nester — What to Know & How to Cope

Watching your children go off to start their own independent lives can be one of the proudest and yet the most daunting moments for a parent. For some moms and dads, it can take a devastating toll.

The house may be as quiet as you always — or at least thought — you wanted, but the grief that comes with your children's absence might hit harder than you expected. If this sounds like you, you might be experiencing empty nest syndrome.

What Is 'Empty Nest Syndrome?'

Empty nest syndrome is a psychological condition that comes with a complicated tangle of feelings, the most prominent being loneliness, grief, and anxiety. Although it is not a diagnosable mental condition, it is still widely recognized as a common and very real experience.

It's often triggered when parents become "empty nesters" after their children leave to start their adult lives away from home. The emotions that arise can be particularly difficult to navigate, leading some parents to turn to substances or other negative behaviors to cope.

Empty nest syndrome can even begin before the children leave, through anticipatory grief, leading to existential crisis, physical symptoms, and catastrophic thinking. "Empty nest syndrome is a very common experience," Psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD, told Cleveland Clinic in August 2024.

He continued, "A large part of one's identity often becomes defined by their role as a parent. And suddenly, there's this recognition that a significant change is about to occur, that time has flown really quickly. It's OK to feel a sense of loss and uncertainty during this period of transition."

Signs You Might Be Going Through Empty Nest Syndrome

As previously mentioned, empty nest syndrome is not a medically diagnosable condition, but people who experience it tend to go through some or all of the following emotions:

• Fear
• Grief
• Loneliness
• Stress
• Sadness
• Guilt
• Emptiness
• Powerlessness
• Irritability
• Rejection.
• Apathy
• Hopelessness

Having spent a good amount of your life with your children being at the very center, you may feel that your life no longer has meaning. You may also experience a loss of authority after being in control of nearly every aspect of your kids' lives.

After they leave, you might start to know less and less about their social lives. Additionally, you might feel a need to downsize your home, which can add even more stress. Letting go of a house full of memories from raising your children will likely not be easy — but it might also be the next best step.

Some Parents Are More Susceptible Than Others

Change can be difficult to navigate for many people, and any parent can experience empty nest syndrome. However, some parents may be more prone to it, particularly if they:

• Are parents of an only child
• Often find change stressful rather than refreshing
• Already have a diagnosed mental health condition
• Are in an unsatisfactory or unhappy marriage
• Have a history of trauma, especially if linked to abandonment
• Found other childhood milestones emotional and painful
• Strongly tied their self-worth to their role as a parent
• Lack strong social support structures
• Were full-time parents and didn't have many responsibilities outside childcare

How to Cope

Some of the new challenges that parents with empty nest syndrome might face include establishing a new kind of relationship with their adult children, rekindling romance in their marriage after years of shared parenting, and filling the void in their daily routine created by their children's absence.

Additionally, they might have to return to work again if they were full-time caregivers. To cope with the feelings of this new transition, this is what experts suggest:

• Acknowledging your emotions and allowing yourself to be upset.
• Finding an outlet for those feelings to help you process them, like redecorating your child's room or gardening.
• Seeking support from your spouse or other friends and family who understand what you're going through. You might find they have also been through empty nest syndrome.
• Being patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time and grace to adjust to the transition.
• Pursuing the hobbies you're interested in now that you have time.

You might also want to put off making any major decisions, like downsizing your home, until you've fully adjusted. If you have more children who will one day leave to start their adult lives, try to prepare yourself ahead of time so you're not as overwhelmed. And if the feelings become too intense or persistent, consider seeking professional help.