The Quiet Appeal of Silent Retreats, and Why More Women Are Trying Them

More women are trading their packed schedules for days of total silence, and what they find in that quiet often surprises them more than the silence itself.

For many women, a silent retreat is a place to find peace and quiet, a place to get away from all the busyness and noise of life.

For Sarah Harmon, a therapist and mother of two from Boston, it was a way to escape emails, her to-do list and responsibilities, and just prioritize herself after putting others’ needs first. What she didn’t realize was the overwhelming silence she would encounter and the noise that would fill her head.

Harmon spent five days at the Insight Meditation Society in central Massachusetts, where she did a lot of sitting, walking, and eating in silence, with no phone, books, or anyone to speak to. "It's really overwhelming when you're spending that many days in your head," she said. Her first thought was to leave the place, but she has since returned two more times.

Historically, silent retreats often appealed to those who enjoy meditation and yoga. But it has slowly drawn a more mainstream following, including mothers, businesswomen, and students, and not necessarily the spiritual types.

The appeal of the retreat has to do with the mental load these women juggle every day. "The truth of the matter is that being a woman is very culturally challenging," said Nicole Tetreault, PhD, a neuroscientist and author. "The executive functioning and planning within the home tends to fall on the woman... we're also thinking about picking up the kids, making dinner, meeting work deadlines, and satisfying basically everyone else's needs before considering our own."

This mental overload, when not addressed, can affect sleep and be a source of stress. This is why a few days of quiet in a silent retreat becomes beneficial.

In these retreats, there are no distractions, busy schedules, phones, and sometimes even no eye contact. What occurs is a lot of meditation and quiet reflection in secluded spaces. There are several kinds of retreats, from rigorous 10-day Vipassana retreats rooted in Buddhist tradition to gentler, more flexible mindfulness-based or nature-based retreats.

In the beginning, it could feel overwhelming and uncomfortable, resulting in emotional breakdowns in the first two days, according to instructors at two different retreat centers. Sometimes it leads to jokes about who’s plotting their escape. But once the participant has adjusted and stops resisting, a noticeable shift happens.

For Leah Frazier, a 42-year-old CEO, the retreat was a lesson in surrendering control. "I'm a planner, so being unable to control the schedule was driving me crazy," she said. But she eventually saw a difference. She became more aware of small details like the colors of leaves and the smell of pine trees. "My senses were heightened because I wasn't able to distract myself," she said.

But these changes are not limited to the days spent in the retreat. Research suggests that a full week of silence may have long-term benefits, particularly in how the brain manages stress, because these retreats can trigger the growth of new cells in the area of the brain responsible for memory and emotions.

For Anushka Joshi, who attended her first retreat at 22, the effect was profound. "I remember coming out almost crying, feeling like a newborn baby who was seeing the world for the first time," she said. "Finally, I knew who I was."

Beyond these, silent retreats are also a way to rest the nervous system, find clarity, shift perspectives, and discover a sense of presence in everyday moments. For participants, a few days of silence can quiet the noise, even long after the retreat is over.