5 Signs of Anxiety in Men You're Probably Missing

He won't call it anxiety. It shows up in five ordinary habits, easy to notice but easy to misread, mistaken for personality, stress, or just the way he is.

It's not very common to hear a man say, "I'm anxious." More often than not, men are socially inclined to suppress or hide their anxiety because they're taught to show "agency and self-sufficiency," according to Carmen McLean, PhD, a psychologist at Stanford Medicine.

This also explains why studies often show that women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety than men. It's not that men don't experience it. In fact, nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety, and men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. The reason comes down to this: men's anxiety symptoms just show up differently than women's.

So what are the signs of anxiety in men? They're there. But they can go unnoticed if you're not looking where you're supposed to. For men, the symptoms are quiet, and not what you'd expect. Here are five behaviors that may be signs of anxiety in men.

1. He's no longer active on the dating app

In the dating game, men are expected to take the lead and make the first move, and for the anxious man, this can be a real struggle. Add to that the risk of rejection, and it becomes a hot seat. You may find an anxious man lingering on the dating app, but he won't be asking any women out on dates. Even though most men with social anxiety actually want to be in a relationship.

2. He'll find any excuse to drink

Even with a small amount of alcohol, one or two drinks, a person can feel a moment of relaxation. That's because alcohol aids in the release of a brain chemical called GABA, which slows down brain activity. In effect, it helps a person loosen up. This becomes the perfect fix for the anxious man who'd rather deal with his emotions himself, because of that "masculine" nature, than seek help from a medical professional.

But there's a downside. Studies reveal that the more a man drinks, the worse his anxiety actually gets. And it doesn't stop there. Men with anxiety disorders are more likely to develop real signs of alcohol use disorder, like uncontrolled drinking, compared to men without anxiety who drink at the same level. So the very thing he's using to cope may be quietly making things worse.

3. His first instinct is to respond in anger

According to McLean, in our cultural setting, it's simply more acceptable for men to show anger than anxiety. And because men often keep their feelings to themselves instead of leaning on friends or support groups the way women tend to, those feelings build up and reach a breaking point. Then it comes out as anger. One poll found 71 percent of people with anxiety felt easily annoyed or irritable nearly every day. It's not really anger. It's anxiety with nowhere else to go.

4. He relies heavily on one person for support

Men generally keep very few friends they can lean on. In fact, only 27 percent of men have six or more close friends. So they often rely heavily on their partners instead, and psychologist Stefan Hofmann says this can put real strain on the relationship. One person just isn't built to carry that much weight alone.

5. He is always chasing status

Even men who seem to have it all can be anxious about what they haven't achieved yet. Therapist David Ezell, who runs a practice in one of the wealthiest towns in the country, says his high-earning clients are still riddled with anxiety over what they feel they're missing. No matter how much they have, there's always someone doing a little better, and that gap is enough to keep them up at night. As Ezell puts it, we're grateful for what we get, but we get used to it fast. So the goalpost just keeps moving.

Maybe it's not about diagnosing the men in your life, or yourself. Maybe it's just about paying a little more attention. If any of this sounds familiar, talking to a doctor, a therapist, or even just a trusted friend can make a real difference.

We may not say the word "anxious" out loud very often. But maybe it's time we started.