Why Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman Never Divorced Despite Their Split

Decades after saying "I do," DeVito and Perlman have found an unexpected rhythm as separated-but-not-divorced exes. Their story proves that love doesn't always follow a traditional path.

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman rank among Hollywood's more unconventional couples, but in all the right and genuine ways. Nearly a decade after their 2017 split, they've maintained a close friendship — and remain legally married.

Just last month, DeVito spoke with AARP and offered a heartwarming update on their relationship. "We're always over at her house," DeVito told the outlet, adding that he and Perlman talk daily and reunite for weekly meals.

"We see the grandchildren together, that kind of stuff. So that's a good relationship," the actor said. Perlman and DeVito met through a mutual friend in 1971, when DeVito was acting regularly in off-Broadway productions.

One evening, Perlman and that friend went to watch DeVito perform in the production "The Shrinking Bride" in New York. "We hit it off," DeVito recalled. "We liked off-Broadway stuff. We went to movies all the time."

"We made little movies together — short films. We had a lot in common, and we fell in love. A nice Jewish girl from Brooklyn and an Italian from New Jersey: I cooked, and she ate," he continued. Perlman shared that she was instantly smitten, too.

"I had to meet him immediately," the "Canadian Bacon" star told the New York Post in 2018. "I asked my friend if he had a girlfriend and she said no." When they went out to dinner afterward, Perlman added, "I came on to him big time!"

The two moved in together soon after and eventually relocated to Los Angeles. As their romance deepened, so did their careers — DeVito appeared in 1975's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," and the pair went on to co-star in the TV series "Taxi" from 1978 to 1983.

Still, it wasn't until January 1982 — more than a decade after they met, and eight months before Perlman's 11-season run on "Cheers" premiered — that the couple finally married.

Daughter Lucy arrived the following year, followed by Grace in 1985 and Jacob in 1987, completing their family of five.

Over the years, DeVito and Perlman kept working together on-screen — including in the Roald Dahl-inspired film "Matilda," which DeVito also directed, and 2006's "10 Items or Less" — while building their life together off-screen.

Asked to reveal the secret to their decades-long union during a 2006 appearance on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show, Perlman replied, "I have to use his line. The secret is never answering that question — just one day at a time, that's it."

She did offer a bit more insight, though. "I think you really have to get your priorities straight and you gotta work hard at it and you gotta be in love. That helps," Perlman added. "You gotta have a lot of fun."

At some point, however, the fun of being husband and wife faded. In October 2012, the pair announced their separation after 30 years of marriage.

They reconciled shortly after, reuniting by early 2013 — though they split again four years later. Even so, Perlman and DeVito never legally dissolved their marriage.

"We've been together a very long time, so there's a lot of love and history," she shared during her 2018 interview with the New York Post. "We agree on enough things, so why ruin that with the yucky things that come with a divorce?"

Perlman has admitted that reaching a peaceful place in their relationship took real effort. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it: It was difficult," she acknowledged on Julia Louis-Dreyfus' podcast "Wiser Than Me" in 2023.

"It was very difficult at first, and there were a lot of reasons that we separated, which I'm not going to go into. It took time for us to come to this somehow pretty decent understanding and relationship with each other," she continued.

Still, as she pointed out, change can sometimes be for the best. "We were together for 40 years. Forty years is a long time," the 78-year-old noted on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen" in 2019. "You might have to do something else. That's OK!"